The past few months have been an unsettled, uncertain busy that have had me wonder several times, “how did I get here?” Honestly, I could probably attribute that same description to the past couple years of my life.
But while 2017, felt like a year of becoming. 2018 felt like a year of pieces falling into place.
“Pieces falling into place…” sounds so tranquil. And while there is certainly an accompanying peace as things settle and decisions are made, the most noteworthy changes in my life have resulted from some of the most tumultuous lessons and internal struggles. Big and small decisions that result in change will indispensably require that one grow, adjust, shift perception and gain acceptance for a new reality.
I’ve found with every shift my life undergoes, I do not forgo grief in some capacity. Even if the transition is positive and beautiful.
Within the past couple months, I’ve accepted court decided visitation schedules, purchased a new home and relocated my children and I. I’ve made difficult decisions regarding work, grappled with finding time for priorities, relationships, and myself. I’m still striving to maintain a sense of stability for my children, consistency in the gym, and balance for my overall sense of well-being. This is NOT EASY.
Danielle LaPorte says resistance, that awkward and sometimes unpleasant growth spurt that occurs with life changes and new habits, is cause for celebration. It means that changes are happening.
Resistance is uncomfortable, consequently, we can often interpret it as negative, stressful, or quite possibly a step backward rather than forward. This is an illusion, a trick of fear. We can never go back. Once we have moved through a stage in our lives and learned something new, no matter how small, we are changed. We may repeat old habits or behaviours but new awareness is there and it’s impossible to go back to a prior state of being. Forward is the only option.
So as I moved through the discomfort of the past couple years and the past few months in particular, one thing that helped me especially during the really tough, exhausting, painful times was to remind myself,
“Right now, I’m growing. The pain is growth. And when I get to the other side of this, I will be stronger, wiser, more capable, more resilient.”
And this single thought during the dark times gave me hope. And hope is what pushed me through.
2018 was a year of so many long anticipated endings.
2019 is the start of new beginnings, new possibilities and freedom. I look forward to it.