- PTA/BAKE SALE MOM
No. I don’t like it. I won’t. No. I love the shit out of my kids and I want them to have the best experiences in/out of school but I trust that the teachers and those with a passion for fundraisers and event planning have a much better handle, enthusiasm and etiquette when it comes to these things. Plus, I swear a lot. So, I’m just gonna hand that torch over to them.
- THE PARTY GIRL
I love a beverage or 2 on occasion and I will not abstain from an evening of spontaneous effervescent fun, BUT…I do not seek out inebriation or drug induced highs…I appreciate mental acuity and I also hate my hungover self…so, after years of experimentation, self awareness, abstinence, and occasional overindulgence, I’ve found a happy balance in moderation. I like it here. Cheers.
- A SMALL TALKER
I don’t fucks with absent-minded banter. Am I rude? No. But do I want to discuss the weather, while the asshole on the other side of the dialogue thinks about what they want to have for lunch? No. I feel as if filling space with nonsensical chit-chat is a disparage to our cerebral promise and waste of our precious fucking time. If you want to talk, bring me something substantial, juicy or intelligent to discuss. Either light up my goddamn neurons or let’s enjoy some quiet.
- FANCY FREE and FUCKLESS ABOUT MY BODY OR MY SEXUALITY
I don’t feel the need to “free the titties” to make a political statement about the freedom of sexuality for women nor do I want to extricate myself sexually on social media.
Do I love my body? YES.
Am I sexual? HELL YEAH.
Do I want these 2 qualities to be what I’m known for by the interwebbers? ABSOLUTELY NOT.
I’m all for freedom of sexuality for women, but let’s be honest, if you need to bare your asshole or spring the nips to acquire a following or make money, your body and your sexuality are NOT FREE, you’re selling yourself for the careless and fleeting fucks (or as Instagram calls them “likes”) of people you don’t even know.
- THE DAMSEL
I am an exceptionally impatient person when it comes to what I want.
Waiting makes me anxious, restless and rashy.
Like the song “7 Rings” by Ariana Grande,
“I see it, I like it, I want it, I got it.”
I’m a DOER.
I don’t have the necessary composure to persuade someone to do the work for me.
I’m a shameless control freak, micromanager (which is probably why my ex-husband tells everyone I’m #batshit crazy 😉
I know how to get a job done and often I righteously believe I can do it better than anyone else. This makes me nothing short of intense, extremely productive, occasionally emasculating, and often single.
- APOLOGETIC
I rarely apologize.
I’m slightly neurotic.
I’m honest, direct and often my jokes are offensive.
Oh, and I also swear a lot.
I care very little about what others think of me, and a lot about what I think about myself.
So, if what I say offends, I suggest you take your fuckin’ cochleas someplace else.
I don’t dwell in guilt and regret because I think it’s a misuse of my energy.
If I make a mistake, I get to work. I acknowledge why and how I made the mistake, what I can do to avoid it again, and what I need to do to rectify the situation.
Who are you?
First, eliminate who you are not.
xo,
Jen
MSMAMACHIC 